Better Days Ahead

Slither into my head.

We shrink to almost nothingness.

You and I, the size of a grain of salt melting on some stale movie theater pop corn. Take my hand. Trudging through the remnants of earwax I obviously couldn't get at with the Q tip, we move forward. There is a door, just a few more steps and we can rummage around in my thoughts.
The weary oak door reads 'Thalamus' In we go.

It's dark, a thick dark, its almost palpable. Your hand is hot and damp. There's a light just ahead.

As our eyes adjust, what is splayed out before us is dizzying.
A mountain of teddy bears, an eye missing here, tattered ear there. They were all loved hard. As we scale the hill of clumped up stuffing we smell baby powder and stale thumb sucking slumberous drool. We look at each other and smile.
Down the other side of soft infantile bliss, things are much brighter, almost an assault on our senses. A gargantuan refrigerator, enshrouded with finger paintings, crinkled construction paper daubed with glue and glitter, bright suns, dogs with far too many legs, and stick figures with smiles that stretch right off their faces.
The air is changing now.
The smell is so familiar it floods us with memories. There are wafts of peanut butter and jelly, Mr. bubble, the woods after it rains and pours, grass stained jeans, and then the wood stove; ready to warm you up after a long hard day of fighting monsters and wars. Sound fills this space, floating in the air all around us, giggles and splashes in the puddles and the tub, crying from the tumble off the new bike from Santa, and the cooing and lullaby from Mom as she sings you off to a sweet land of dreams where your loved and safe from everything.

I don't like the cold air that's filling the space ahead. You look apprehensive. We are standing side by side, but I feel alone, detached, and anxious. We are standing in a classroom filled with students, faceless and countless. One hot spotlight from above is blinding and the cacophony of laughing is thunderous. Its not laughter of joy though, on the contrary, its laughter aimed right at you. We can almost feel the fingers pointing. Its a long time passed but we are flooded with feelings of disappointment, self hate, and confusion. The bell rings after what feels like an eternity, we clasp hands and run through the weighty metal doors.

Where are you? I dont want to be alone. Im scared.

Dropped onto a bustling street, I scan the faces of the strangers moving by me like a strong current. None look familar, none make me unclench my fists and relax. My fingernails dig into my sweaty palms. Im on my own. I begin to realize this is a normal feeling, I need to get used to this. And I do, mournfully. I spend overlapping eternities here, in my own head. I flip the switch to auto pilot, pull my face out of the jar on the dusty shelf, the one with the smile. The face that tells the world, 'I relish in every breath, every tick of the clock!' I wear that mask so well.

Down a long spiral slide. Its a lonely and painful decent, isnt it?

In a dark corner is an exhausted trunk, faded stars decorate all sides. A light is oozing from the cracks. I lift the heavy lid. Tears writhe down my hot cheeks. This is the place in my mind I always wanted to be. I throw one leg over, then the other and sink in. Its warm, and smells like fresh baked cookies and hot pavement after a storm. Im barefoot and standing on soft grass. in the middle of a green field, is You.

Ill hide here forever. Let my body wither away. Ill stay with you inside my mind.

Happy at last.